So I started this blog about a year and a half ago after a friend suggested it would be a good read… Since then so many things have happened yet for some reason I haven’t managed to bring myself to sit down and write about what I have been feeling. Part of that is to do with who I am as a person and for the fact that I know myself well enough to know that I will start this and maybe it will go well for a few weeks. Maybe I’ll even hit that magical month mark, but after that I will find something else to do and move on to the next amazing new thing I want to try.

I sorted through my clothes the other week to find all those clothes with holes, grease stains and other random characteristics which qualify them as being no longer good enough to be worn and I decided to make them into new clothing items. I started with a shirt that I have had for at least 6 years, probably more. I made it into a lovely checked vest top and I really enjoyed doing it too. I spent my free time measuring and cutting in order to get the perfect outline. I even taught myself how to use the sewing machine. My favourite part was the night I assembled everything. Window open. Rain falling. Wind blowing. Harry Styles playing. The faint sound of my parents watching TV in the background. The odd plane flying over or train passing by. It was a peaceful and relaxing night where I thought about no one or nothing, my only focus was the task at hand; not getting my hand stuck in the sewing machine. But anyway the point of this rambling is that I started this task which I was actually good at and enjoyed, yet if I look to my left I can see the pile of material on my bedroom floor on top of the sewing kit waiting for me to find another spur of motivation and actually carry on with a task for more than a few lousy days.

I was never good at sticking to a task for a long period to be quite honest. If you look under my bed right now in the plastic box closest to the heater you will find it packed with diaries. Every year Santa would bring me a beautiful empty journal book awaiting my words of wisdom to pour out and fill the umpteen pages, yet to do this day I never actually made it past January, if I wrote in it for longer than a week then that was a good attempt..

Bipolar disorder. ADHD. According to the many teen quizzes and google pages, I have either bipolar disorder or ADHD. I mean…whether or not I actually do is not exactly proven, however it makes sense. For example just there I was in a whirlwind story about my teenage failed diaries and I glance at my Facebook browser and there is a message notification so I go check it. Then from there I end up checking the weather and then going back onto Facebook to finally remember that I was sitting writing an attempted blog not 2 minutes before. I just get distracted so easily and once I think about something I can’t do anything else without constantly thinking about it.

Anyway…this chapter is labelled 2020 yet I actually have yet to talk about it. Maybe I’ll get to that part in my next blog.

Stay safe xoxo